The following article was published in Freezinesite.com, July 19, 2005.

A Mindset for Motherhood
by Dr. Joelle Jay and Amy Kovarick

As professional coaches, we help women become mothers without losing themselves. It’s a belief we hold dearly: that you deserve to be the very best you, as well as the very best mother you can be for your baby. The two go hand in hand.

But we know from the mothers we’ve worked with that sometimes it can be hard to be the best you. Societal expectations, family demands, the pressures of balancing work and motherhood, and even your own high standards for yourself can prevent you from claiming the kind of life that is good for your babies and your own life.

In this article, we present a mindset for motherhood – a way of thinking that we believe helps women set the stage for being a mother while sustaining all the things in life that are important to them. Below are a set of assumptions that we encourage new mothers to consider. Some of these ideas may challenge you, while others may expand your thinking. We invite you to weigh our beliefs against yours as a way of beginning the process of becoming more fully you in preparation for motherhood.

Life is going to change. How you respond is up to you.

If you’re pregnant now, you’ve probably already been warned that life is going to change—sometimes in less-than-encouraging ways. “You just wait,” your friends smirk, implying that you will never again have a relaxing bath, a pedicure, or a romantic evening. “You’d better enjoy it now,” they caution as you head off for a vacation, as if you’ll never leave your house again when the baby arrives. They’re your friends, you love them, and you know they mean well. “Your life is going to be different,” they are telling you, and they already know this to be true. We want you to know that you have some choice in how it will be different, and a lot of choice about how you’ll respond. You don’t have to change your life according to other people’s rules. In fact, you may just discover how much easier and enjoyable new motherhood is when you take charge.

You can have it all, as long as you know what your ‘all’ is.

Becoming a mother without losing yourself is not an empty promise to ‘have it all.’ In fact, you may have to make some sacrifices to get what you want. It is a belief that you can figure out what’s most important to you, based on your values and priorities. When a new baby comes into your life, the way you express those values and priorities may change, but what’s important to you will fundamentally be the same. When you live from what’s important to you, you may not ‘have it all’ in the sense of having money, fame, a great figure, a handsome husband and all the luxuries money can buy, but you may feel like you have it all, because you have everything that’s important to you.

You can be fulfilled inside and outside your role as a mother.

When you become a mother, you do not cease being you. You do not become a new person called ‘a mother.’ Rather, you add a new dimension to your identity. Until now, you have grown into a unique, capable individual who finds fulfillment in a variety of relationships, endeavors, and experiences all without having a baby. Now, you will find fulfillment also in motherhood. You do not have to choose between yourself and your baby. You get to be all of who you already are and add to the experience, as well. What an abundant gift.

You will be an amazing mother.

We know this, because every woman has a best self within her, and that includes you. You will be an amazing mother if you intend to be, if you give it your time and attention, and if you are honest about what’s right for you. To be an amazing mother is possible for every woman. Your heart is big enough to be everything to your baby and have a fulfilling life doing whatever it is your heart dreams.

When you take care of yourself, you become a better mother.

Babies thrive in environments that are secure, stable, and loving. You will be best able to provide that when you feel secure, stable, and loving. We rest on the assumption that you will be less frustrated, more patient, more present, and a better role model for your children when YOU are fulfilled. That fulfillment comes from living the life that reflects who you really are. That’s why planning the foundation for your life and that of your baby is as important as painting the room, folding tiny clothes, and learning to sing nursery rhymes. Indeed, it may be even more so.

We live in an abundant world.

Unfortunately, a lot of people hold a scarcity mentality. They believe that some things just aren’t possible. They refuse to consider possibilities, and they get stuck believing that what they want can’t happen. We find this kind of thinking limiting. We encourage you instead to believe in possibility. When you free yourself to hope, you become open to creative and positive thinking. We see enormous power in believing that there is a way. Often if you believe there is, you will find it, even against the odds. There are a million solutions out there. It’s about saying ‘yes’ to the possibilities that already exist.

The assumptions above give you a way to think that can be helpful in preparing for new motherhood. We can’t promise you that integrating motherhood into the whole of your life will be easy. This is especially true when you’re an expectant mother with plenty to think about already. It takes trust, creativity, commitment, and desire. It also helps to have a little support and a few great ideas, which we and the generous network of mothers at Oh, Baby! MotherhoodTM are happy to offer. Besides that, you don’t need anything but a sincere effort, the willingness to make honest decisions, an unfailing commitment to yourself and your baby, and a belief that you can create what you want.

And now, we invite you to jump in to start creating the most incredible, thrilling, life-changing time of your life.

Dr. Joelle Jay and Amy Kovarick are professional coaches, speakers and authors. Through their company, Oh, Baby! MotherhoodTM, they guide women in becoming mothers without losing themselves. Visit them at www.ohbabymotherhood.com.

Reprinted with permission from Freezinesite.com, July 19, 2005.