The
following article was published
in Northern Nevada Business Weekly, 2004.
Listening
for Leaders Joelle K. Jay, Ph.D.
Listening is one of the most critical communication
skills for leaders. And yet it is one of the most overlooked.
Taking the effort to listen well can greatly enhance your effectiveness
with others, whether they’re direct reports, colleagues,
or even your boss.
Why is listening so important? Because it
permeates virtually every single human interaction. As a
result, listening can
affect everything from rapport to team cohesiveness to whether
you can get people to follow your lead.
The advantages of
listening are numerous. Good listeners communicate respect
for other people. They show themselves
to be open-minded
and receptive. They collect good ideas from a variety of
sources before they make a decision, and they develop strong
relationships
with people who contribute to their success. And the good
news is, learning to listen can be easy.
Many good listeners
are naturally so. But how can you improve your listening
skills if it comes as more of a challenge?
The suggestions below give you a place to start.
Develop the intention
to listen. Many people don’t listen well because they never
intend in the first place. Instead, they form ideas in their
mind while another person is speaking. They may simply wait for
their turn to speak, not paying attention whatsoever to the ideas
coming their way, or they may even tune others out and focus
on something else entirely. (If you’ve ever been in an
exceptionally long meeting, you know how this feels.)
The intention to listen, in contrast, is open, patient, and respectful.
It requires focusing on the speaker and hearing every word that
they say, with the express purpose of understanding it fully.
If you never practice any other aspect of listening, setting
the sincere intention to listen will markedly improve your skill.
Develop the posture
of listening. No matter how good your intention, you simply cannot
make another person feel heard if you look like you’re
not paying attention. The biggest error listeners make is looking
away when others speak. That includes checking email, skimming
the headlines, or even perusing a menu. The posture of listening,
like the mindset of listening, is open and respectful. You communicate
with your body language. Make direct (but not intimidating) eye
contact with others. Avoid crossing your arms and legs. Face
people squarely. Use your physical presence to let others know
you are ready to receive whatever they have to say.
Practice the skills of
good listening. You’ve been listening to other people your whole
life, and chances are you’ve experienced many good habits
along the way. The trick is simply to remember those habits are
when you’re engaged in conversation and practice them consistently.
Here are some of the top skills to practice.
Repeat back to
people what they have told you. Allow them to confirm whether
or not you’ve gotten it right—don’t
just assume you’ve heard them correctly.
Express an
awareness of others’ emotions. Just saying, “I
can see you’re upset,” or “Wow, you’re
sure excited about something!” can go a long way
toward making a personal connection.
Respond appropriately. Avoid
launching into a story of your own. Instead, ask a
thoughtful question, make a comment
that
furthers the discussion, or simply encourage the speaker
to go on.
Avoid
unproductive comments. Unfortunately, some of the most common responses to listening
are also the least effective. Repeatedly mumbling “uh-huh,
uh-huh,” telling people what you’re thinking, and
giving them advice (unless they’ve asked for it) are all
turn-offs for speakers, who can easily get the message that what
they’re saying is of little importance to you.
Remember the value of
silence. Next time you have the opportunity, observe a conversation
of which you are not a part. Notice how fast the pace moves.
A normal conversation leaves little time for speakers to breathe,
much less let each other finish speaking or take the time to
develop a thoughtful response. Slow down. You will automatically
become a better listener.
Know what you are listening
for. The nature of an interaction can differ depending on its
purpose. Identify it from the outset. Get a sense of whether
you’re listening for emotion (e.g. if someone is coming
to you because they’re upset), facts (e.g. if you’re
trying to understand a situation), or a way to help (e.g. if
someone needs something from you). You can discover the purpose
of any conversation by simply asking yourself, “What does
this person want?”
Use your strengths. Whether or not you consider yourself a good listener,
chances are you have some great characteristics that can aid
in your listening. Are you compassionate? Do you take good notes?
Are you good at giving people your undivided attention? Are you
especially analytical or good at helping people discern a solution?
Use these talents consciously in your conversations to help you
communicate effectively
Listening well takes effort. The good news is, it isn’t
hard. In fact, it can be one of the easiest, most effective ways
to make a dramatic difference in the way others perceive you
and in your relationships with them. The effects on your leadership
can be limitless.
Joelle Jay, Ph.D., is the owner and president
of Pillar Consulting LLC, a leadership development firm in
Reno, N.V., specializing in leadership and personal effectiveness.
She coaches business leaders and executives in achieving success
while maintaining a healthy life balance. She can be reached
at Joelle@pillar-consulting.com.
Reprinted
with permission from Northern Nevada Business Weekly, 2004.
